Insight into my brain, evening time 2year ago.

The clock hits 7.00, the family are fed, bathed, little ones tucked into bed.  Chores for the day completed... This should be bliss. 


But all I can think of is the overwhelming familiar feeling creeping up.  It's now time to wind down, to relax, how do you relax again? I've forgotten how to do it.  Maybe there is another load of washing I can do.  Must keep busy.  Maybe there's something I can do in preparation for tomorrow. Potter about for another hour tire yourself out. Other half asking to watch a film, a really good sequel to one we watched a few year back.. anything but watching a film please God no.. .Give it a try anyway. *5 minutes into the film*  What if my family member who is in ill health dies tonight.. Mam hasn't replied to last message is she ok?.. Will I complete my report at work tomorrow by the deadline?.. Did I offend Sue from work last week when I made that comment?? Has she been off with me since??.. When do the kids have that school trip again?? is it next week, must check calendar.  That's it..  Make excuses to partner, something I remembered I need to do.  We will watch the film another night. Why is it impossible to sit still and relax, can't stop fidgeting, itchy nose, leg is uncomfortable, itchy knee, CONSTANT THOUGHTS.  Watched 5 minutes and didn't hear one word.   Must check the windows upstairs are locked.  Actually while I am up here might as well get kids P.E kits out, don't need them until next week but no worries, just need to keep busy, keep organised, what if I forget next week? Must keep busy.  Must not stop being busy.



Can anyone relate?  That was my life constantly a few year back,  life isn't still all rosy and I still suffer with anxiety but now I am able to manage it better and would like you share with you how I do this.  I would just like to repeat what I said earlier, I am not a doctor and I don't proclaim to be an expert, I am just like you.  What works for one may not work for all, there may be things you try and think hmmm that isn't for me, it's all about trying what works for you and if something does then great.  Below are some night time routines  which has greatly improved the sheer hell I used to go through every night on the hope that it will help someone else out too. 

Night time routines for a better sleep

Bath time
When feeling particularly anxious I love nothing more than a nice hot bath, bubbles, face masks, relaxation music, candles.  The full shebang.  Sounds so cliché but I do this pretty much every night now when I am beginning to wind down.  A quick search for 'relaxation sounds' or 'relaxation music' on YouTube and your away.  I try to close my eyes, soak in the bath and something which I will mention a few times is to try and let your thoughts drift to nothing but your breathing.  Stupid huh?  Telling someone with anxiety not to think is like telling a 5 year old not to touch something they shouldn't!! Near impossible, and  your going to do it anyway.  But all you can do is  try just concentrating on your breathing and every time another thought pops into your head try and just think about breathing deeply. 


Reading
Reading in a nice quiet comfortable space usually works wonders.  Agreed sometimes it is hard to concentrate on the book with these thoughts swirling round your head (also I appreciate the quiet space can be hard if you have children!)  But find something you really like the sound of and persevere I find reading on a night is a big help for me.  I can sometimes read half hour of a book and drift straight off to sleep.  Books are my miracle.

No technology in the bedroom
I can guarantee you've heard this one before, a quick search of technology in the bedroom will bring thousands of pages up about how it is affecting our sleep and admittedly I don't follow this rule strictly.  I am partial now to the occasional binge of series in bed with my partner on a weekend. But I have made a conscious effort over the years to ban phones/tablets in the bedroom full stop! Studies show that no technology in the room increases sleep.  Winner.


Relaxation exercises
These are miracles, trust me.  I learned about the benefits of relaxation techniques in counselling and also in an amazing self help conference I attended, everyone who took part in this and tried at home agreed it worked. I find this works best when your ready to sleep,  I recommend doing it when you first jump into bed, it's cosy, its warm and dark and typical.. your mind is going 100 miles an hour. 

Progressive Muscle Relaxation
This exercise concentrates on tensing and releasing.  By doing this you learn not only what relaxation feels like, but also to recognize when you are starting to get tense during the day.


This can be done with or without relaxation music, if I need to relax throughout the day I will use music, but it sort of defeats the object if your following the 0 technology rule in the bedroom.  I mentioned earlier about breathing, begin by concentrating on your breathing try and push every thought out of your head and replace it with thinking about your breaths whilst doing this.

Begin by tensing every muscle in your face hold for 5 to 10 seconds then release.  Notice the change Go down your body and move on the next group of muscles (shoulders, arms, hands, stomach, buttocks, legs)   While releasing the tension try to focus on the changes you feel when you relax the muscles.

Introduction

The mind is a funny thing isn’t it?  You can go from being this normal happy carefree person and BOOM something bad happens, a break up, death, illness, etc can leave you suffering with anxiety.   You may feel like you've recovered, or you may not but something in your mind changes and it is almost like you don’t know yourself any more.  In others it comes from nowhere, life is going relatively normal then all of a sudden something in your brain shifts.  You're having these thoughts and worries you have never had before.  You question am I normal? Why am I feeling like this?  Over the years speaking to others and doing research on anxiety I have heard a wide range of stories and reasons behind why people suffer.  Sometimes there is simply no reason at all.  Everything is going swimmingly, and these thoughts just begin from seemingly nowhere, Weird huh? 

 

A quick back story on myself, my personal experience with anxiety issues began from two sudden deaths in my family.  The first one being something I witnessed which was quite traumatic.  At first I was in shock, muddled on through life, going back to work, living as normal.  But it festered away inside to the point I was over thinking and worrying so much I couldn’t even so much as watch the television because I couldn’t concentrate on anything else but the thoughts in my head.  I was suffering with not only anxiety but OCD, crippling panic attacks, depression and possible PTS.  I went to see a doctor three different occasions who kept referring me to counselling which I refused as in my head, I had enough thinking about these things 24.7 I didn't want to talk about them too.  Eventually the panic attacks were getting so bad they were on a daily basis and it was hard hiding them from my now 10 year old daughter.  I accepted the counselling, found although it was challenging it was so beneficial and helpful.  I found its good to talk, its good to off load, its good to hear 'yes you are normal'.  I began my own research into anxiety, took some online courses.  Through the help of all of these, I learned different coping mechanisms, breathing and relaxation exercises, and ways to challenge my thoughts.  And although there is no magic 'cure' to anxiety, I have seen big changes since I decided to do something about it and if just one person reads this and benefits then that’s great.

 

I hope you enjoy my blogs and take some handy tips away from my posts to help you deal with anxiety.

Much love, your anxiety suffering friend.